The Choice Between My Way or HIS Way

Probably the overwhelming struggle of the Christian life boils down to those five words—my way or His way.

Recently I read where a pastor was counseling a godly young lady who put the struggle very wisely. She was wrestling to open her heart to new possibilities that God was bringing into her life. She was so fixed on her way for so long, she discovered that her heart had become closed to God leading into any other options.

Here’s how she put it: “The struggle is that my heart is closed to other options because it is so fixed upon the one I wanted… even though God is closing that door.”

Sometimes I see people having a choice to make between something that is right and something that is wrong. It is a blessing to watch people choose God's right way; in contrast, it is very sad to see when they choose the wrong way. What makes this battle even harder? The fact that your way and His way may both be “good options.” Our decision struggles and personal will struggles are usually not a battle between good and bad options, but rather between two great options! So often, we get fixed on our will, believing that it’s “good” therefore it’s God’s.

We impose our own “good” will upon Him rather than surrendering to His good will.

The problem comes when God interrupts the script, calls us to set aside our “good” will and surrender to His. Now that’s painful. That’s often grueling. (Think: Abraham climbing Mount Moriah with his only son…)

“Wait, God… but my way is good! My way is spiritual! My way is better, even for YOU!” That’s what we want to say, perhaps even with tears.

(How silly we are to think that our finite minds can challenge the great infinite heart of God!)

But then He says, “Let the Lord do that which is good in His sight.” (1 Chron. 19:13) In other words, “Let me do what I want to do, what is good to me, whether you see the good or not.” My definition of “good” may not always match up with God’s. Bummer!

It’s very painful to let go of what is “good in my sight” to grasp what is “good in His sight.” Especially, when I can’t see what He sees. It’s easier to grasp my good will because it’s what I can see. His good will is usually an invitation to venture into the unknown. And that’s scary.

In the end, no matter how my human calculations conclude that my will is good, God’s version of good is always best.

Be careful about boxing yourself in to your own good plan. God has a way of interrupting our good plans with a little thing we would call His eternal purpose.

And we certainly wouldn’t want to be inconvenienced by that! Would we?

A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

(adapted and personalized)

Do You Have a Road Map for Life?

Three Ways Biblical Counsel Helps

Do you have a map for your life? Do you know where you are headed, why, and what the destination will be? Are you certain that your present decisions will actually lead you to the intended destination?
It’s amazing how few people view life with the end in mind. We sometimes fail to connect our present decisions and direction with their ultimate outcomes. So often, the outcomes are not what we intended, but after decisions are made, we are forced to live with the results.
The best way to reach your ultimate destination is to study the road-map and take the correct course. Life is no different. So, back to the original question— what is your map for life?
The fact is, there’s no better life-map than the Bible. It is God’s gift to the human race—a guidebook for life. In the Bible, God gives thousands of principles and laws for navigating through life successfully. It’s His instruction manual for how life is designed to work. The more you understand it and apply it, the better you are at discovering your true identity and your life’s calling or purpose. And apart from the Bible, we’re all destined to wind up disappointed and empty—still longing for real purpose and significance.
Here’s one really good example of a life principle from God’s Word: Get good advice for every major decision. Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
Now, a lot of people break this law and live to regret it. In other words, we don’t want advice.
Sometimes we fear that a counselor will have a private agenda and won’t counsel us honestly. At other times, we presume to know what our counselors will say, and we rationalize it away without even talking to them. But most often, we don’t get advice because we would rather not hear what we already know. Self-deception is a scary thing. We would rather be wrong and fantasize that things will work out, than really build a good decision with plenty of outside, biblical advice.
To our benefit, God instructs us to bring in godly, biblical counsel for our decisions. But I find that many people sell short good counsel. They don’t fully appreciate the value of good godly advice. There are three huge dynamics in play when getting counsel. It’s not merely about getting a “yes” or “no” on a particular decision. It’s bigger than that, so let’s break it down:
1. Biblical counsel helps define a right decision.
This is the first and perhaps biggest aspect of getting advice—just determining whether or not a decision is right. I would never make a major decision in life without a team of God-fearing people standing behind me saying, “Yes, that’s the right move!” It’s not about being unduly dependent upon others to make my decisions; it’s about having confirmation from the collective wisdom of successful people. It’s about finding someone who has taken this journey successfully and borrowing his map!
2. Biblical counsel helps to define the right process.
We often miss this. It’s very easy to do the right thing the wrong way! Getting biblical advice is a great way to put a plan together. It’s not enough just to do the right thing—it needs to be done the right way. A team of wise biblical advisors will help craft a plan of attack that will give the right decision with the right process.
3. Biblical counsel helps to define the right timing.
Finally, it’s possible to do the right thing the right way, but at the wrong time! For instance, a person might have found the right spouse and have a good plan for marriage, but the timing can be way off. Getting counsel is sometimes about waiting for God to show you His plan and timing. There are few things worse than forcing our own way too quickly. If this principle helps you, the good news is there are thousands more waiting to be discovered and applied to your life. They’re all in the Bible, and a good church family, Bible study class, and a godly pastor can help you begin the process of discovery!

Be the Right Person (Guy/Girl Relationships)

It's not a Facebook group, but I'm a fan of "being the right kind of person in order to have the right kind of person."

The world's relationship model teaches young people to look for the right person. God's relationship model teaches young people to be the right person, then God will bring the right person to them. It's important for young people to learn God's model in order to spare them from the dangers and heartaches that the world's model will bring.

This past July at summer youth camp our student ministries director taught on the topic of guy/girl relationships. When the week was over, we heard comment after comment about how these young people had never heard some of the Biblical principles that were taught. You see, God's principle is a paradox. And it goes like this: finding the right person isn't about finding the right person - it's about becoming the right person.

Consider these contrasts between God's method and Hollywood's:

1. Becoming the right person places your hope in God. Trying to find the right person places your hope in another person.

2. Becoming the right person focuses on God's work in you. Trying to find the right person prevents God's work in you.

3. Becoming the right person makes you patient. Trying to find the right person makes you impatient.

4. Becoming the right person makes you strong. Trying to find the right person makes you weak.
5. Becoming the right person makes you spiritual. Trying to find the right person makes you self-centered and carnal.

6. Becoming the right person prepares you for the future. Trying to find the right person distracts you from growth.

7. Becoming the right person teaches you to trust God. Trying to find the right person teaches you to trust yourself.

8. Becoming of the right person brings spiritual growth. Trying to find the right person brings disappointment.

9. Becoming the right person settles your emotions. Trying to find the right person confuses your emotions.

10. Becoming the right person makes you want to stay pure. Trying to find the right person tempts you to lose your purity.

11. Becoming the right person I will make you a better spouse. Trying to find the right person will make you a worse spouse.

12. Becoming the right person will lead you to the right person. Trying to find the right person will lead you astray.

13. Becoming the right person places your emotional stability in God. Trying to find the right person makes you emotionally unstable.

14. Becoming the right person seeks love and acceptance from God. Trying to find the right person seeks the love and acceptance from people.

15. Becoming the right person makes God your strength. Trying to find the right person seeks strength from another person.

Someday, when you are married, following God's model will hold your marriage together, but following Hollywood's model will break it apart. I believe it is very important for young people and their parents to be willing to hear the Biblical counsel of godly pastors who know the precepts and principles on this topic. It is not worth the temporary satisfaction of pride to bring regret and possible destruction to the life of our youth. Young people need to pray daily for the wisdom of God, while refusing to trust themselves in this area, and seek godly counsel from the Word of God and the man of God.

8 Principles to Unify Authorities

Bringing Together Home, Church, and School

“…and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” –Ecclesiastes 4:12b

Why do our good, solid young people seem to flee the church they grew up in when out on their own? Even more, why do many pastor’s kids and full-time ministry worker’s kids flee church even faster? While there are many possible answers to these tragic questions, I have seen a threefold cord of authority work in my life. A unified authority in the life of a teenager pulls like a threefold cord in the direction of righteous living in the will of God.

The threefold cord of authority is made up of three institutions—home, church, and school. If these three authorities are unified and all pull in the same direction in a young person’s life, a teen is more likely to make positive decisions.

Problems arise when one or more of these authorities are not pulling in the same direction. When this occurs, the young person is forced to agree with part of his authority and disagree with another part.

8 Principles to Unify Authorities

1. Line your home up with the beliefs of the Bible-believing Baptist church you are a member of.

2. If you lead a Christian home and attend a Bible-believing Baptist church, it would only make sense to educate your children in a Christian environment.

3. NEVER CRITICIZE another biblical authority in the presence of a young person.

4. Do not make “mountains out of molehills.” If not a “right or wrong” issue, defer to one another in the spirit of humility and unity. In all things, the Bible must be the ultimate authority.

5. Speak positively of the other biblical authorities in their lives.

6. Encourage other godly biblical authorities to play an active role in raising your young person. Do not be insecure or selfish with your influence and leadership.

7. Wisely balance the time spent among the three authorities.

8. Realize that ultimately your young person will make his or her own decisions. All that you can do is pull in the right direction. Teach them the tools and steps in biblical decision making. (That article is coming soon.)

Making Good Decisions

Genesis 25: 27-34
Scripture confirms that the familiar expression, “You reap what you sow,” is accurate (Job 4:8; Prov. 11:18). Esau learned this truth the hard way. Famished, he returned from hunting and requested a bowl of the stew his brother was cooking. Jacob seized upon the opportunity—he agreed to share the food in exchange for his older twin’s birthright.

In Old Testament times, the firstborn enjoyed special privileges, which included authority over younger siblings, a double share of the inheritance, and the honored position as spiritual leader over the family. Yet Esau, deciding that food was more of a necessity right then, traded his birthright for dinner. He later grieved to realize what was lost, but at that point, it was too late. Like Esau, we all face critical choices at times. While God offers forgiveness for poor decisions, the consequences remain. So we must learn how to choose wisely.

We should take to heart two warnings from this story. First, to be able to distinguish our best options, we should wait until we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually stable. Esau allowed hunger to cloud his thinking.

Second, it is often important to delay gratification. For example, though a person may be eager to purchase a car, it is wise to shop around for the best deal. Though our human desires feel overwhelming at times, we should prayerfully wait for God’s timing.

Think about the longings that you have. Pray for wisdom and patience so that you can make godly decisions during critical times.